Ugh, I’m so conflicted over dudes lately. I seriously have no fucking idea what I want anymore, and I’m tiring even myself with all this wishy-washy behaviour.
Greg and I are done for all intents and purposes, and there was a new guy, Adam, on the horizon.
Until we hung out at a friend’s going away party this weekend. The night was going fine, and then he showed up after we had, and quickly made his way over to my side. He’s friends with a few a of my friends, but most everyone was in the dark about anything going on between the two of us, because I tend not to overshare about potential relationships anymore.
I said hi at the same time as my friend E, and she quickly looked back and forth between us, as if she was confused that we’d finally managed to cross paths.
He explained that we’d met about two months ago at a party and spent a few subsequent weekends together. It wasn’t too serious, and I think it’s safe to say it was fueled by alcohol more than anything else.
We haven’t slept together, and I seriously doubt we ever will. I’m really into making out, it definitely sets the tone of the relationship for me, and if we don’t have chemistry there, I just can’t do it.
I really tried this weekend, but I was seriously bored when we were throwing down on Friday, and I spent all day Saturday trying to figure out if I could get past it, or if I was blowing it out of proportion, while prayin that he didn’t make good on his promise to arrange plans for that night.
Even in my horrifically hungover state I could see that I was grasping at straws at best, and trying to “make fetch happen”. It’s already behind me.
I’m actively shooting down relationships left right and centre, yet I’m also really sick of being single.