ED: This was originally transcribed on February 6, 2009. Due to a lack of internet bug going round my apartment, I was unable to post it. I also forgot to post it while I was at work on more than one occasion.
I’m so stressed out it hurts. My neck has this incurable cramp on the right hand side right underneath my jawline. I had planned to go for a stress-relieving run after work but put it off by eating and rewarding myself with a quick nap while I digested my food.
That was at 8:30ish? I woke up in a sweaty panic at exactly 2:37AM, still in my running clothes, with a bad case of dry mouth.
Another crap day at work, but I’m not so much worried about that, more like frustrated with the complexity of the situation and the nagging feeling that I’m forgetting something.
My home internet is still on the fritz, but I’m stealing wireless from someone in my building or the building directly behind mine. The signal is so weak that I feel like rearranging the crap on my desk with improve it to some extent.
I managed to finally make it through the entire first season of Arrested Development. I figured out why I was having such a hard time getting into it: someone had mixed up the DVDs and cases, so the third disc was in the case for the first one – I was beginning to think that I just didn’t get it.
I ordered the first two seasons of Melrose Place (guilty pleasure, I’m not ashamed) and the sixth, and final, season of Oz. They should hit my doorstep either tomorrow or Friday. Either way and early birthday treat for myself.
I think Greg might take me out to dinner for my birthday, but I might just stay in and cook something for him. I’m really not in the mood to go out, though it’s Wednesday, and it’s hard to say how I’ll feel come Friday.
I’m currently putting off returning my mother’s insistent emails. It sounds so impersonal, but email is the only way I can maintain a sane and semi-decent relationship with her. Every little thing she does drives me absolutely insane and I feel like our relationship hasn’t progressed much beyond the days that I used to despise her. An email a month keeps her off my back and out of my affairs, so I play along, if only for my sanity’s sake.
I haven’t gone on a major shopping binge in a while and I’m feeling a little off because of it. I really want either a new pair of sunglasses or a new watch but there really hasn’t been anything eye-catching of late.
I keep telling myself, and Greg for that matter, that I’m not ready for an intense long-term relationship, but the fact of the matter is, I’m just not interested in tht with him. I can finally say that I’m over both Brandon and Ryan. I’m open to new possibilities. I had several long talks with Brandon in the past month and I think we’re almost at a point where we can actually be friends – something that I’m surprisingly excited for. We have a long history and I’m glad the 3.5 years we spent together wasn’t a complete waste. He’s seen me through some of the most painful and joyous experiences of my early twenties.
I’m wide awake.