I’m a bad friend. I’m the kind of person who never calls, or puts in the effort. I expect you to do all the work, it’s not because I don’t care, nor is it a lack of time – I’m just lazy.
This is one thing that my father and I have in common. We can go months without talking, and pick up right where we left off. It’s not like my feelings have changed, I’m just too busy doing other stuff for it to even occur to me that you might want to hear from me.
I’m bad at relationships for this very reason. I always get the “are we doing ok?” type conversations after taking weekends off to go skiing or whatever, or opting to stay in on a Friday night without telling people that I’m not coming out.
I’ll just leave parties or bars if I’m not having fun, because I don’t feel like making a scene and I don’t need to justifiy why I’m leaving. By the time I’m actually out the door, I’ve been thinking it over for a good while.
Which brings me back to the point of this whole post, that I’m avoiding writing my mother and aunt emails because I have nothing to say really, and something better keeps coming up.
My mom has never understood me, and that’s just one thing on the laundry list of reasons we just don’t get along/never will.
I’d like to pretend that I’m going to email one of htem after I finish this post but I’ve already taken sleeping pills and I’m just counting down the minutes until they kick in.
Now is not the time for productivity.