1. Long lines of any kind. The only thing I believe in waiting in line for during the holiday season is food and/or drink (most notably at the Starbucks or the corner store buying my fifth diet Rockstar of the day) and books/magazines (at least that way I have something to read) – anything else, I will figure out a time the when said establishment isn’t busy, and come back then.
2. Proximity to screaming children. Seriously, get a freaking soother for your child, or better yet don’t take them shopping at all. A couple of days ago a child got trapped between a bolted down glass door and the adjoining glass wall. It stared at the scene for a minute before walking over and calmly unlatching the door to allow the child’s escape while silently judging the mom who was within spitting distance the whole time – she was talking to someone so she wasn’t really paying attention. She made some sort of under her breath comment in my general direction and I wanted to whip around and explain to her that:
1. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones (or in this case, glass corridors), 2. Now’s not the time to let your toddler go on little adventures, 3. You are a terrible parent.
3. Bargain-hunters. In my experience they are the most ornery Christmastime beasts as they have no concept of timeliness. “Is this the best deal I can get?” “Yup, because you’re not at a stall somewhere in Mexico. If you don’t buy it, someone else will. You can’t just show up to the party late and expect to be the belle of the ball”. I get that you saw whatever item here three weeks ago, but the fact that it was cheap and remotely nice kinda sums up why it is no longer here.
4. Window-shoppers. Unless you’re just passing through on your lunch break, you have no excuse. Why would you willingly come shopping if you’re too broke to buy anything. You’re not contributing to anything except for the congestion. It’s the equivalent of raising your hand to answer a question, and when called upon, not saying anything, just staring off into the distance. Additionally, if you haven’t a clue what a store sells, here’s a tip, go into the store and look around instead of gathering around outside the entrance repeatedly reading aloud the name as if that will suddenly explain to you what ‘Lululemon’ entails – conversely, how do you not know of the exclusive clothier of soccer-moms, the ugg-footed and people who wouldn’t even know a yoga mat if they tripped over it, were you raised by wolves?