1. Snow Patrol techno remixes – best filed under ‘didn’t really need to go there’
2. I feel old.
3. Birthdays/Valentines Day = Meh
4. Um, my bank statement was 7 pages long…I need to cut back a little
5. Mall discount at McDonald’s? Is it really worth it to save like 48 cents?
6. My new Crooks & Castles bandanna is straight up gangsta, just like me
7. Is that how it’s working now, because a little heads up would have been nice
8. It’s true, I like it because it features unicorns. Charlie!
9. I’m having anger management issues
10. See we all have dyke nails
11. Oh Ponoka!
12. What kind of Pizza Hut is this?
13. I know, I know. You’re probably right but I still don’t want to hear it, just let me live the dream for a while.
14. I think the reason I feel crazy is that I’ve drastically cut back on coffee with virtually no weaning period. Seriously, I went from 8+ cups a day to 1 in a week.
15. February is Black History Month. To celebrate I’m buying shoes, lots and lots of shoes.
16. On the topic of shoes, since I only really ever wear slips, my laces have now been converted into belts – not entirely as ghetto as it sounds.
Dinner with The Boss, interesting.
18. Menopause, really?
19. This isn’t a Petro Can, you can’t just serve yourself.
20. Sexual Harassment Sundays, best day of the week, even when we stay until 3 am.
21. The Goth Girl’s awkwardness brings a smile to everyone’s face, and might eventually lead to me throwing out my back
22. The Engineer bought me a gift for Valentine’s Day, except it’s a surprise and he won’t tell me what it is…I hate surprises.
23. Oh, I’ll just get my manicure set from my bag…
24. Sick again, boo!
25. It all comes back to the fact that Hawaiian Delight and I are ballers – plain and simple.
26. I don’t have a crush on Hawaiian Delight. Apparently we’re 5 years old again and simply talking about a boy implies crushing.
27. I do, however, have a slight crush on someone else. Names aren’t really important as I’m still a fickle bitch on the inside, so I’ll probably be over it by the time this is posted.
28. I retrospect, it’s probably best to not make comments about how someone “would probably put it in [her] ass” just on the off chance that his elderly uncle could walk into the store as you scream at the top of your lungs, hypothetically speaking of course.
29. Apparently I’m not the only one who’s annoyed with The Gentle Giant’s overall indecisiveness…
30. 43 cartons leads to cramping in arms from lacing too many shoes
31. I wonder just how much he knows.
5 6 doubles in the span of a week?
34. Spicy is my new catch phrase
35. Memo to 20-year-old couple: You’re not edgy, you’re a fucking loser for buying Heelys at your age and it pains me that I know the ABEC rating of every model ever made.
Nothing terribly exciting this month unfortunately. What I lack in search terms, I make up for in quotes. You’re welcome.
[I] Spit Hot Fire (Quotes)
“AirQuote, you got booze all over the mermaid!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll lick it up later”
“We weren’t sure what you wanted so we got you the orange rabbit”
“Um, thanks. Obviously the logical choice”
“We’re pretty, why would they seat us in the back? We should be at the front…”
“Oh please, just get my jacket. You’ve already seen my vibrator anyways. Just don’t look at it”
“I think I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder”
“I’m sorry it’s just lying there but I got interrupted last night, by the phone”
“You answered the phone mid-session? and more importantly, you slept with your vibrator in bed with you?”
Yuppie chick on cell: The thing about my ex is it’s, like, the story of ‘If you give a mouse a fucking cookie, I mean, eventually he’ll want to climb into bed with you and have you read him a fucking bedtime story.’ – via Overheard in New York
“You smell really good”
“I know, it brings all the boys to the yard”
“Oh really? What boys, what yard? You live in an apartment.”
“You’re here aren’t you?”
“Who the fuck does he think he is, God’s gift to retail? He works at fucking Urban Outfitters.”
“I want to use her eyes as an ashtray” (for the record, I didn’t say this but I nodded in agreement)
“I wouldn’t want to know either”
“In my mind, when she told me that it pretty much gave me the green light to sleep with her boyfriend”
“That’s honestly the first thing that popped into my head. I didn’t say I was going to do it, just that I wouldn’t have to feel bad if it happened”
“Am I the only one who finds it weird that someone from every other store can ask [her] out, but he can’t? What the fuck is his problem?!?”
“I know, one day I’m just going to go crazy – you’ll see”
“Do not come into my store and get all up in my face calling me a cracker and a redneck and shit when you’re wearing jeans from the sale wall!”
“She’s really nice and does a lot of cool stuff like play soccer and dance; I’m just trying to get over the fact that sometimes she’s also just a bit of a ho”
“Remember the time I told Cute ‘n’ Fresh that she smelled like a lesbian?”