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Awkward Town USA, Lessons Learned, Quotables/Foot in Mouth Disease

The Husband Game: Redux

The background story

Team Gingerbread: Hey, look it’s your husband!
The Pansy: Um, that’s The Goth Girl’s boyfriend dude…
Team Gingerbread: Oh, that’s awkward. Thank God she didn’t hear me…

Team Gingerbread: BarelyLegalBoy was trying to talk to you…
AirQuote: I was trying to be nonchalant
Team Gingerbread: Uh, you ran away. That’s actually the opposite of nonchalant

“…and Potent Potables for $100, Alex!”

So I’m about to leave work and we’re performing the perfunctory bag checks.

“Yo, look in my bag!” I call out to whoever is listening

“…and before you ask, yes that is a copy of Martha Stewart Living and a block of fudge in my bag” I spit out preemptively

“Ooh, fudge! Can I have some?” asks The Goth Girl

“Uh, no.” I reply quickly

“Come on, I gave you juice” she pleads, “I love fudge”

“I know, but you don’t want this, trust me…” I say as I try to reason with her, but she persists and I give in “Fine!”

“Ew! That is so gross!” “I think it’s coating my mouth!” and “Whoever made that should be shot, then pissed on!” were just a few of the choice phrases that came out of her mouth as she quickly gulped down a 500mL bottle of water in the back room.

“Uh, who made that for you?” piped up The Pansy, quickly adding “Was it The Engineer?”

“Uh, no. I don’t really want to have this conversation with you…” I trailed off

“Are you going to blog it – or tell me later?”

“Uh, no. That’s not necessary. Ok, bye!” I yell as I trot out of the store to get tacos (not a metaphor)

In truth, I actually got the fudge from The Engineer’s mom (well she gave it to him and he gave it to me). He doesn’t like fudge (probably because he’s only had his mom’s terrible fudge, and has nothing good to compare it to – erroneously assuming that all fudge tastes like hot ass, which is not the case) and gave it to me because I heart fudge and I was stressed about exams and shit.

Moral of the story fudge (like pizza and sex) is not good even when it’s really, really bad.


About Nico

I'm not angry all the time, that's just how my face is.


6 thoughts on “The Husband Game: Redux

  1. So glad you went with “air quote.”I thought maybe it was gonna be healthy fudge, cuz my roommate used to be like “ooo! let me have some of your milkshake!” and i’d be like “really, you’re going to hate it,” and she’d insist and then be like “OOO!!! this tastes like CHALK!”You should put the labels in your side bar, because I’m really curious as to if “foot in mouth disease” is the number one tag.

    Posted by marie lyn bernard | December 13, 2006, 8:26 am
  2. I had the labels in the sidebar for a while, but I thought it looked out of place/made the sidebar too long…But I’ll try it just for you

    Posted by team gingerbread | December 13, 2006, 8:45 am
  3. Ok, it’s done. And ‘foot in mouth disease’ is a close second to ‘the daily grind’

    Posted by team gingerbread | December 13, 2006, 8:47 am
  4. How do you put the labels in the sidebar on beta?And please expound on just what “hot ass” tastes like. I’m thinking of becoming a hot ass connoisseur.:P

    Posted by S* | December 13, 2006, 12:50 pm
  5. Hmmm…I guess I would just click on the box that says add labels in sidebar. I’m having a numb day. Sorry!

    Posted by S* | December 13, 2006, 12:51 pm
  6. Happens to the best of us. I removed the labels again because it was bothering me

    Posted by team gingerbread | December 15, 2006, 11:29 am

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