So we’re on the white trash bus, which is packed as usual but we were the first to get on so we made our way to the back because that’s how we roll – and since there always seem to be women with strollers on the bus no matter the hour.
The crowd was pretty typical (Old Asian man, check. Young Goth girl eating ice cream straight from the tub, check. Working stiffs, check.) but the peaceful facade was blown to shit when the trashiest of the white trash (a cringe-worthy couple and their idiot best friend/sidekick) ambled over to the empty seats adjacent to both myself and The Pansy.
Just great – anxious sidelong glances and bitter remarks were exchanged. “I think this pretty much sums up why I hate this bus” she quietly whispered. “Yeah, I know” I replied as The Sidekick berated someone on his friend’s girlfriend’s cell (because cool people share mobile phones, you know?).
Cringe-Worthy Girlfriend: He said he gave me a gram and a half, but I’m not sure (passing bag of weed to Cringe-Worthy Boyfriend) this is enough
Cringe-Worthy Boyfriend: Lemme see that (snatching bag) Whatever! Lets just get fucked up. Where are we going?
For half of the bus ride, the couple were passing a mickey of Hot 100 back and forth amongst themselves. For the unenlightened, Hot 100 is a cinnamon flavoured liqueur (Schnapps?). It is vile, and I really can’t think of a single person I know who drinks it – ever! The last time I had it was at a frat party about 2 years ago, and it was because I was already drunk/it was free and beggars can’t be choosers.
I really don’t have a problem with people who are alcoholics, functional and not, but come the fuck on, could we at least have the decency to get sauced on something even halfway legit? Some rye, or cheap vodka perhaps – but Hot 100? It basically tastes like you marinated cinnamon hearts in a blend of mouthwash and vodka, with a hint of antifreeze thrown in for kicks.
Then the girlfriend made some sort of joke about how she couldn’t even stand right, and how she might be a little tipsy.
[Ed. It has come to my attention that it was actually cinnamon Listerine. Ew!]