Now that I live downtown, I have many an option when it comes to my bus ride home. Sure there are a couple routes I prefer (usually because it’s faster and smells less) but I’m not picky for the most part because I ride the bus home with one of my friends with some frequency so it’s never boring, except for that one night after she read this post
The bus was unusually empty tonight as we waited patiently for the bus to pull out of the mall terminal with only the sporadic outbursts from The White Trash Couple (WTC1) to remind us that we weren’t in fact, alone on the bus.
It was really hard not to notice this couple because the female of the pair had gotten up several times to check the status of her baby (still alive) and empty its bottle and during the course of her trek to the front of the bus, her entire ass was exposed by her low slung pants. I can describe her underwear in great detail, which pains me.
The Pansy and I whispered amongst ourselves over how unfortunate the couple was while quietly snickering whenever they said/did anything even vaguely white trash (such as sharing a blister pack of Jolly Ranchers amongst themselves).
The bus eventually started on its route again and the white trash conversation really started flying. We hadn’t initially realized it, but WTC1 had friends on the bus (WTC2). It was hard to tell that they knew each other at first because WTC2 had been firmly entrenched in a rather long and awkward public kiss since the beginning of the bus ride, his nicotine stained fingers running up and down her nylon track jacket-clad back.
There were so many quotes and so little room to write them down.
The Pansy: Ugh! I hate white trash!
Team Gingerbread: I know, I’m so glad my parents were workaholics when I was growing up so I never had to ride the bus.
Team Gingerbread (to The Pansy): There’s your husband (pointing at Male WTC1). You’re going to lure him away from her using a bucket of KFC
Female WTC1: This [takeout] smells worse than Melissa!
Male WTC2: What’s the first thing girls say to you when you break up with them?
Male WTC1: I’m pregnant…(motioning towards Female WTC1) Yeah, we broke up on Friday.
Male WTC1 (directed at Male WTC2): Keep that shit wrapped, you don’t want kids running around!
Male WTC1: [Is] She pregnant man, is she? I’m gonna punch you in the face if she is…
The only reason I enjoy public transit so much is that it allows me to be privy to such inane banter.