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Functional Alcoholism, Quotables/Foot in Mouth Disease

Oooh, I win the sexy scavenger hunt!

One Night at the Westlock Inn

Drunkey Like a Monkey (our sorority’s annual Drink a Small Town Dry-type event) was last night, and oh what a night it was! There were so many casualties, including but not limited to my cell phone, Crumpet, J.Lau, my cheap wet ‘n’ wild bronzer, and Latte’s mickey of raspberry vodka.

We also played this game that we had played while on our New Year’s trip to Penticton. The game is that you can’t say the word ‘no’. You start off with one strand of mardi gras beads (or a lei in our case last night) and you try to end up with the most beads. You can only get the beads if you ask someone a question.

Waffle and I made 2 girls cry in Penticton over the whole bead fiasco, and we subsequently became know as ‘those bead bitches’. Some townies managed to get some beads in Penticton, and ‘cleverly’ insinuated that we should make out to ensure their safe return; we obviously passed on that one. Long story short, I was too drunk to actually play the game last night, but I still ended up with the second place prize: a Napoleon Dynamite action figure!

I woke up this morning, and for about 5 seconds I actually thought I had wet the bed, and then I realised that my purse that had been holding Latte’s vodka until it shattered, was still wet and had been sitting on my bed all night. Then I went to go turn on my phone and remembered that it had been sitting in my purse when the mickey shattered, and that it is currently inoperable. It’s not a huge deal because I’m planning on getting a new phone in a week or so, it just sucks because even though my old phone was crappy, at least it turned on.

Then I went to go harrass Latte and rehash the night with Pancake. We walked into her room and there was a box of condoms on the floor because she had been entertaining All American Boy (AAB) last night and then Pancake yells ‘Why do you look like a whore?’ at Latte. Latte sheepishly moves the box of condoms to her nightstand and says that she normally sleeps in a slip. I crawled into bed with Latte only to discover her super coplicated looking brown thong balled up in the corner of the bed and I asked her if there was anything else I should know about and she admits that AAB couldn’t find his underwear when he left; obviously I had to look for it. When I found it I yelled ‘Oooh, I win the sexy scavenger hunt!’ My prize was a talking Napoleon Dynamite action figure (I had actually gotten it the night before, but it was in Latte’s room). Sweet!

Last night can pretty much be summed up by these quotes:

Latte to Pancake: You’re like a serial rapist when you’re drunk

Posh on big hair: The bigger the hair, the closer you are to God!

Waffle (on friendship): I’m like a disposable friend. You can just use me, and throw me out


About Nico

I'm not angry all the time, that's just how my face is.


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