Movable Hype

The Ordeal

January 25, 2010 · 1 Comment

An approximately six hour ordeal.

That’s how I kept referring to it on the witness stand, as I sat, rather calmly, considering the circumstances, on an uncomfortable chair that was just a little too low, and that I couldn’t be bothered to adjust. Instead, I made the microphone bend down and meet me.

Why make myself at home, I wasn’t supposed to be comfortable, no one is in that sort of situation. I was just there to do a job, one that I was far more adept at the second time around. I knew what to expect. I was fully prepared for his defense attorney’s attempts to cast doubt on my words, to have him debate my motives, and to try to get me to contradict myself by posing increasingly banal and deceptively worded three and four-part questions.

I was prepared for his willfully erroneous statements, so preposterous that I was certain that they were uttered simply to get a rise out of me, some sort of macabre street theatre.

By the time you read this, I might have a verdict, and I might feel like talking about it, but most likely not. It’s just something that I’m dying to put to rest — after four years, it feels like it’s time. I will have also gone through multiple drafts of Victim Impact Statements, searching for the right words — the right mix of bitter humour, sage advice, and despair.

I still can’t really put into words how all this has made me feel, I barely feel anything anymore, but that may be due to the utter exhaustion. It’s not entirely related to my sexual assault, but that certainly hasn’t helped.

What has helped is thoroughly extricating myself from relationships that just weren’t working. It was part martyrdom — look how alone I am, now that I’ve built up all these walls around myself, how very Anna Karenina of me — and part masochism, an emotional equivalent of self-mutilation.

What has helped is my discovery that I actually enjoy running, and physically pushing myself to the brink. Ironically, I feel the most alive when I’m on the cusp of an exertion-induced heart attack.

Without my watershed moment four summers ago, I can almost guarantee that I never would have taken the practice of yoga and meditation seriously.

More than anything, I just want to put this behind me. It has been four fucking years of back and forth, stopping and starting, and my life essentially being on mute.

To reiterate a word that just spilled out, unconsciously, while answering some question on the stand, four fucking years of feeling completely powerless.

It begins and ends with me admitting this to myself.

…but I think I’m finally ready to move on.

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Mama’s got a brand new pair of boots (on backorder)

January 8, 2010 · Leave a Comment

I’m all about customer experience, it’s why I don’t do outlet shopping or Wal-Mart-style big box stores. I’m more than willing to pay a bit more if shoppin is a pleasant experience, and I’m certain I’m not in the minority.

So I picked up a pair of these J.Crew Vintage Short Roadster Boots after some help from a very knowledgeable member of their Service Excellence Center, aka. who you reach if you email their personal shopper. Seriously, so handy — and I got a response within 2 hours of my initial email. That’s how you do customer experience folks, make it easy for them to part with their money.

I was on the fence about sizing, and ended up going with the larger of the two after some consideration and reassurance.

They’re backordered, but they’re also perfect, so it’s definitely going to be worth the wait. I needed a pair of brown boots to go with these wool shorts I picked up aeons ago, but have yet to wear.

I also snagged a code for free shipping from their facebook fan page, not too shabby; that’s $20 that might come in handy later, can’t complain.

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2000 – 2009: A Decade in Review

December 31, 2009 · 2 Comments

2000: Nothing really groundbreaking here. I was in the twelfth grade, back when Ontario still had a thirteenth grade. My relationship with my parents was seriously on the rocks. I took out my weave, went to Russia and Finland over the summer, and moved out of my mother’s house (at her behest) by summer’s end.

2001: More homestead drama. Wrote my IB exams. Decided to accept my offer of admission to Hamilton’s McMaster University. Worked at Loeb Glebe, spent far too much time drinking at the bar across he street and noshing on snacks from Bridgehead Coffee. I lasted all of one month before moving back to Ottawa, though not home, and spent the better part of a gap year clad in J.Crew and cottage hopping.

2002: Finally back to the academic grindstone, much to everyone’s delight. This time I settled my sights on Hanover, NH. I love Dartmouth, but it feels a little too bucolic for my thoroughly urbanised taste and I find myself escaping nearly every weekend to Boston or NYC. I’m restless and begin exploring my transfer options. I decide on the University of Alberta, and hastily accept my position there for transfer the following year.

2003: Arrive in Edmonton, silently curse my choice come winter. Realise it’s the furthest north I’ve ever lived and if I felt isolated in NH, it’s nothing compared to Alberta. I make my way down to California for a wedding and New York for NYE.

2004: I experience my first summer storm, when I return from sunning myself in 27C weather commonly associated with a post-climate change Ontario in May to at full foot of snow, and no job for my first summer out west. I live in relative poverty on campus, refusing to reach out for a handout that I’m not even certain I’ll get from asking. The plus side to relative poverty, turns out it’s a great diet. I start the next school year looking svelte and working at the campus bar. I’ve also decided to change my major yet again, to Anthropology after a kickass first year class that I took on a whim.

2005: I finally move out of residence, and into an off-campus house and meet some of the people who end up defining the better part of the remainder on my undergraduate experience. I rush the sorority, I end up hospitalised with the flu, and I’m swept up into an endless parade of booze, boys, and occasionally books. I meet Brandon, the love of my undergraduate life. We take a NYE ski trip which is still one of my Top 5 NYE experiences to this day.

2006: Probably the defining year of my young life. My relationships, both romantic and platonic are spiralling out of control. There’s infidelity, drama, dissolution of friendships and housing contracts, and a summer wasted away under a haze of prescription drugs and booze. I take roughly 3 months off from working seriously and opt to make going out every night my full time job. I land a job at a skate shop in town mid summer and a week later I become a statistic after being sexually assaulted after a boozy night out with the girls. I totally retreat and end up moving out of the sorority house and into an apartment downtown as a result, and rekindle my relationship with Brandon while simultaneously pushing everyone else out of my life. I get offered a position managing the skate shop after a stint as acting manager at the end of the summer.

2007: I graduate with a degree in Anthropology, with Honours, and take on work full-time. I seriously consider moving in with Brandon after my relationship with my downtown roommate deteriorates to the point where I’m only ever home to pick up a change of clothes. Brandon announces that he’s going to grad school in Toronto and we effectively break up, and I sever ties with my old roommate and take up residence in a luxury condo in the heart of downtown. I take up running, something I had been loath to do in high school.

2008: I haven’t seriously dated anyone since the demise of my Last.Big.Relationship. and I take a somewhat unofficial vow of celibacy, because I’m really not ready to deal with another relationship. I work harder and more than I ever have in my life, I start doing some retail buying and consider grad school myself. It’s the beginning the end of one of my adult friendships, and it’s all because of a stupid boy. I declare 2K9 to be drama free and begin mediating and practicing yoga.

2009: I take the witness stand for the first time for an exploratory hearing wherein a judge decides if my sexual assault case has any merit. The experience is beyond humbling, and incredibly frustrating. It also takes place just days before my birthday. I lose my job, which is single handedly probably the best/worst thing to happen to me in recent years. It’s clearly a blessing in disguise, and I spend another 3 months job-free and the happiest I’ve been in years. It’s the first complete year I’ve survived without burning a bridge. I spend those 3 months reading ,writing, running, and drinking like a fish, and despite all that, manage to lose at least 25 lbs. I take on a new job that I love, that has actually allowed me to grow as well as expend my skillset. I’m challenged on a daily basis once again, and I love it. It’s the year of weekend getaways and a lot of growing up. Heartbreak is a common theme, though I won’t say whose.

2010: I think I’m finally ready for a relationship, and maybe a bit more travel. It’s also time to seriously start reconsidering grad school and what I want to do with my life.

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Honourable Mentions

December 29, 2009 · Leave a Comment

i suppose the only thing more gratifying than being recognized for a job well done within the company (something I’m pleased to have been on the receiving end of for the better part of the bottom half of the year) is having someone from your industry, but outside of your peer group praise your.

…And attempt to recruit you.

I’m very happy where I am right now, but it never hurts to have the quarterback pay you a compliment – even if you are head over heels in love with someone else, you know?

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I don’t think there’s anything better than

December 22, 2009 · Leave a Comment

someone you’ve become somewhat reliant on letting it slip that you’re just as integral to their lives, as they are to yours.

There really isn’t

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Tis The Season To Give Back to the Community

December 21, 2009 · Leave a Comment

As always, The Fresh Air Fund continues to do good work for for inner city children. We’re in the midst of the holiday season, with Hanukkah having just wrapped up, Kwanzaa well on its way, and Christmas just around the corner, surely you’re struggling to get your gifts in order.

Donating in someone else’s name is a great gift for that person whose got everything, and I think we’ve all got at least one of those on our lists.

No amount is too small, here are a few things your donation can accomplish:

Just $10 will send one child on a bus ride to his or her Friendly Town host family.

$24 provides a child with a week of swimming lessons.

$42 provides a day of Career Awareness classes.

A gift of $50 can fund a camp counselor for a day.

If you can give as much as $91, you provide a child at camp with meals for a week.

Every donation counts.

If you’re looking to get involved in another way, maybe fundraising is your strong suit, or you just love a good marathon, Fresh Air Fund is a charity partner for the NYC Half-Marathon, and over the past three years over 200 Fund-Racers have raised more than $300,000!

Participate in this year’s NYC Half-Marathon on March 21, 2010! If you’d like to get involved with the race in any way, please email kbrinkerhoff@freshair.org. And if you’d like to run in it, there’s limited availability for this amazing race; please register here

Thank you!

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Game. Changer.

December 14, 2009 · Leave a Comment

It was unseasonably cold this weekend (and by “unseasonably”, I mean now that my pansy ass has gotten used to the warmish winters brought on by climate change, I can’t hack it.

I had a ton of running around to do for my HP job, but I managed to swing by the Apple Store Friday evening to pick up one of these.

I’ve been considering its purchase for a spell, but the fact that we’d be cooped up in the apartment all weekend spurred me into action. We have cable, always have for that matter, and a largish TV to boot, but it’s in a common area of our apartment, and with exams going on, I feel kind of guilty having it blaring 24/7 since my roommate and I are on such different schedules.

So far, I’m in love. It came with a little remote and it’s pretty unobtrusive. It’s dually powered by an AC adapter and a USB plugin. A slightly more compact model does exist, but my laptop is fairly stationary for the most part and I’m short on room so I don’t see myself ever getting another TV as long as I’m living in this condo.

Our condo is awesome, unfortunately the bedrooms are small, which led me to ditch my TV after moving out of the sorority house in 2006.

With the addition of a decently-sized monitor, I can’t see myself ever needing another TV.

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Team Hussy makes its triumphant return

November 30, 2009 · 2 Comments

Ugh.

I’ve got a little crush, but it poses a bit of an ethical dilemma, and I’m totally not that person anymore that can just do something shitty and not care, unfortunately for my libido.

So I’m trying to suppress it and pretend like it doesn’t exist, and maybe one day that will be true.

Look, but don’t touch is the official mantra, but every once in a while I’ll catch myself in a serious flirt session, that I swear is being reciprocated.

Thank God there will be no office Christmas party drama this year.

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New favourite pastime

November 23, 2009 · Leave a Comment

@foursquare finally launched in the #yeg area just in time for my bar-hopping weekend. My social calendar as of late meant that in no time at all, I ended up squarely at the top of the leaderboard for its launch week.

I’ve played foursquare (formerly Dodgeball, which was eventually sold to Google) in New York as well as in Vancouver, and the thisng I like about it the most is that it’s a great and innovative way to discover a city if you’re not overly familiar with the lay of the land.

I abused that and Google maps on my last few jaunts because I had made so many plans that I had to leave my usual comfort zones (Kitsilano and Gastown) for the gentrified Mount Pleasant, Burnaby, Victoria, and North Van.

I had one thing on my to-do list, visiting Japadog, that I never got a chance to complete, but they’ll be other trips. The to-do and tip feature is probably my favourite part of the app, because if I’m ever at a loss or stuck in a rut, I have a wealth of crowd-sourced suggestions at my fingertips.

Are you on foursquare? Add me, and maybe we’ll hang out. My friend list is pretty lacking in the Edmonton department.

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Quickie Vancouver Recap

October 26, 2009 · Leave a Comment

~800 Aeroplan miles earned

9 Different Starbucks locations visited

8 Final position on @foursquare leader board after my 3-day jaunt

6 Different friends visited (Heather, Jamie, Tess, Ryan, Alina, Michelle, and Sean)

3 Hectic days off work

1 New pair of shoes (purple Alife Chasers)

1 Epic concert (Gossip + MEN)

+ tentative plans to do it all again in a few months time for a Tegan and Sara show January 6.

Definitely well worth it.

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